How To Impress A Girl, Or Not

By Achur Polhinar


How to impress a girl is a great conundrum. No one really knows the answer to it, but one thing is certain. Under normal circumstances most deliberate efforts to appear impressive fail miserably.

This implies a paradox. To succeed with a a girl one best not try to succeed. From this it follows that the slogan, 'Be Yourself' is apt, a problem being the you might just not be impressive as yourself, and not much can be done about that. Hence the temptation to show off.

Equally irresistible may be the female impulse to enjoy the attentions of a suitor who is trying to appear someone he is not and then reject both him and his performance with a capricious wave of the hand. Nevertheless there is sweet pleasure for girls in seeing a strapping man reduced to a wobbling jelly by the desire to win favor.

Some cartoonists depict early men as armed with clubs dragging girls home to their cave. This cannot have been the case because even birds, fish and animals will go to extreme length to display and perform extreme routines in order to persuade reluctant females of their excellence. It is unlikely that mankind ever resorted to such evolutionarily primitive methods of mating or that females were really impressed by such violent methods.

Written language is an attribute that human beings have above other animals. It has been used at high levels to charm ladies by wit and elegance. Sonnets are poems of fourteen lines that praised ladies in elegant terms by comparing them with flowers, goddesses and sunny summer days. Frequently they had to be delivered in secret because greedy fathers wanted to marry their daughters off to distinctly unimpressive but rich suitors.

It might seem that the present argument that it is best not try is contradicted by pop musicians and their wild gyrations. They frantically wave their electric guitars around like extended penises and seem to know how to impress a girl by the energy of their antics. However, performing for a seething mob is quite a far cry from facing a discriminating female across a room.




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